Guess who probably won't be making it out of here and back 2 the Bay, after all. That kinda sucks, but life is like that sometimes. I could bitch and moan about it, or I can say fuck it and go get a job. I need a yob, man...Can I gets a yob?
So, let me give U the lowdown from Down 'roun. I like that. I do believe I just came up with a name 4 a recurring segment. My God! This is becoming more and more like a real fucking magazine every day. Pretty soon I will be able 2 publish it monthly on shiny paper, and then 3 fantastic looking women (My lovely wife and two clones, obviously!) will blow me well N2 my seventies...
THE LOWDOWN FROM DOWN 'ROUN
My lovely daughter Alex (see pic on right) has been up 2 no good. She skeezed 
away her best friend's man over the last couple of daze, and Jessica (see pic on left) found out about it 2nite. I think my kid wuz thinking the wind wuz blowing in an entirely different direction than it turned out 2 be...I tried 2 tell her NEVER listen 2 what these fucking little bastards try 2 holla at her, but she won't fucking listen 2 me instead. Ain't that a fucking bitch? So, it looks like Jessica hates Alex now, and the boyfriend is going 2 stay put (suprise! Did I get U? No?), and hopefully my kid just learned a valuble lesson about shitting in her own back yard. Eventually U are going 2 step in it.
away her best friend's man over the last couple of daze, and Jessica (see pic on left) found out about it 2nite. I think my kid wuz thinking the wind wuz blowing in an entirely different direction than it turned out 2 be...I tried 2 tell her NEVER listen 2 what these fucking little bastards try 2 holla at her, but she won't fucking listen 2 me instead. Ain't that a fucking bitch? So, it looks like Jessica hates Alex now, and the boyfriend is going 2 stay put (suprise! Did I get U? No?), and hopefully my kid just learned a valuble lesson about shitting in her own back yard. Eventually U are going 2 step in it. Nevermind the fact that her behavior has been disgustingly similar 2 that of everyone's favorite hooker 2 hate - that's right...Promyse69. I hate even thinking that my kid could be anything like her and I am hoping that this teaches her a thing or two. Mostly I just hope she learns 2 listen 2 me. There are no fucking Prince Charmings. Men are all fucking liars and bastards and she just isn't going 2 be lucky enough 2 get one that wuz somehow miraculously different and didn't act like ALL OF THE REST OF THEM ON THE FUCKING PLANET!!! Listen2 me now and believe me later -
Men are fucking pigs.
Men are fucking stupid.
They will fuck anything.
They will even fuck eachother if U lock them up long enough.
These are truths. The sooner she learns 2 deal with that the sooner her lovelife will become fun...
I'm not even trying 2 imply that Jess is in any way better than my kid. My kid is the fucking BOMB! I just wanted 2 point out the fact that she didn't stand much of a chance against the beast. The 16 year-old human male (bastardicus motherfuckerus) is very 
convincing whenever stalking his prey, and often has the hapless female (dumbassicus dramaticus) believing he is the one member of his species whose testosterone soaked brain isn't half starved whenever he gets aroused, but once that pressure has been relieved he rarely leaves the comfort of the original female (girlfriendicus originicus). God forbid that bastardicus motherfuckerus actually be packing a little something something in the old tidy whities - then Ur lucky if getting aroused doesn't just cause him 2 black out or some shit like that! It is certainly true that the larger the penis, the dumber the behavior (4 all U haters out there who have been asking me 2 explain Tonia 4 the last 20 years...there U go!). Don't 4get 2 read chapters 5-9 of Ur Latin 4 Crackheads textbook 2nite when U get home. U will be tested on this material. U should do all right, after all. I mean, U've been testing my nerves long enough U should have the hang of it by now, right?
convincing whenever stalking his prey, and often has the hapless female (dumbassicus dramaticus) believing he is the one member of his species whose testosterone soaked brain isn't half starved whenever he gets aroused, but once that pressure has been relieved he rarely leaves the comfort of the original female (girlfriendicus originicus). God forbid that bastardicus motherfuckerus actually be packing a little something something in the old tidy whities - then Ur lucky if getting aroused doesn't just cause him 2 black out or some shit like that! It is certainly true that the larger the penis, the dumber the behavior (4 all U haters out there who have been asking me 2 explain Tonia 4 the last 20 years...there U go!). Don't 4get 2 read chapters 5-9 of Ur Latin 4 Crackheads textbook 2nite when U get home. U will be tested on this material. U should do all right, after all. I mean, U've been testing my nerves long enough U should have the hang of it by now, right?
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