Hot Monkey Love...

That's a phrase that has many conontations 2 many different people. I'm sure that after seeing this it'll mean something entirely different than it used 2 4 Alex. Well, after all, I gotta believe that the real reason I wuz placed on this planet this time around wuz 2 completely fuck this kid's head up. I figure that if she ends up dumping three or four grand a year on therapy I'll look at that as a small victory. I mean, that's only a fraction of what she made me spend on Happy Meals she had no interest in eating. And don't get me started on her cat. The fucking thing iz the size of Belgium. He eats more than me and the wife combined. She didn't stop with the fucking cat either. She kept bringing strays home. Most recently she brought home Jessica (my NEW favorite,btw), and she's knocked up so that really counts as two. so yeah, I'd say a couple grand in psychiatry bills oughta even things up a bit. Betcha wish U woulda watched Star Trek now, huh?

Valentine's Day 2007

Wednesday wuz Valentine’s Day and Sunday iz my sixth Anniversary, so last night the wife and I got a room at the Red Lion Hotel here in Sacramento and we had a fucking blast! That wuz despite the Universe working hard 2 ensure we would not have such a great time at all!

The day began with me having 2 pay $150 2 keep the lights from getting shut off. My fucking sister wuz supposed 2 pay half the fucking bill, but something came up. That meant I had 2 dump almost every cent I had N2 making sure we weren’t writing our next blog by candlelight. But I managed 2 get that done.

Next, I had 2 go get some party supplies. We had decided we were going 2 make this an E ticket ride all the way, so I called my fucking nephew, who dragged me down 2 the ghetto 2 pick up these tabs from some cat he knows. Then we made our way back 2 the house, where the wife and I were supposed 2 have a ride set up 2 take us 2 the room, which had by this time been sitting paid 4 and empty 4 close 2 six hours. My nephew dropped me off only 2 discover our ride wuz nowhere 2 be found! Fucking great…

This wuz like eight o’clock and I wuz starting 2 get kinda antsy. I wuzn’t 2 fucking worried, though, cuz I knew My sister got off work at Nine and she had already told me she would give me a ride. Well, I called my sister at Nine o’clock, and she just didn’t feel like doing it. Now I wuz starting 2 get pissed off a little bit, so I fucking hung up on the bitch. She calls me back giving me a ration of shit about hanging up on her 4 not doing me a favor. Whatever…bitch.

By this time the wife could totally see that I wuz cracking up. She went behind my back and called my buddy and scored me some pot. He said he wuz coming by around 9:30, so there wuz nothing 2 do but wait. When he finally did get here, I told him my sad story of woe and being the nice guy he iz he offered 2 take us over there when he got off work at eleven. Hey…better fucking late than never, right?

So eleven finally rolls around and we make our way 2 the hotel. Now I wuz just worried that they wouldn’t accept my credit card cuz it wuz a temporary. That turned out 2 be about the only part of the whole fucking sordid mess that actually worked out. I got the room and Scotty bailed. The two of us spent the next twelve hours doing nothing but getting N2 each other. It wuz really great. We needed it...a lot!

We took some pictures...some of which U see here. We took some video...none of which U will see here. We had a great time. Then we had 2 get home. We fucking called everybody we could think of. No one could help us out. We ended up scrounging 2gether bus fare, leaving our shit behind and heading home on the bus. After we had made it home. I managed 2 get a ride 2 pick up our shit, then went ahead and did so. Even that almost didn’t happen thanks 2 my dad being an asshole. But it all worked itself out. I guess.

But now would U like 2 hear the funny part? Despite all the fucking hassles and all the freaking headaches involved...I honestly wouldn’t trade it 4 the fucking world. I got 2 spend some quality time with my Number one girl, and that in itself iz worth more than U can imagine. In spite of all the trouble it wuz fucking great. Like I said...we needed it!