WTF are U talking about?

I have decided that this needs 2 be turned N2 an Asstacular Saturday, but I am unsure exactly how 2 go about doing that. However, I am quite confident that somewhere between now and whenever I am actually done with this shit 4 the day, that I will figure it out. Where there's a will there's a way, right? Right...

Here's the deal. In order 2 become what they call a truly asstacular event, there iz really only one rule which has 2 be followed. I realize that I am usually the loudest motherfucker in the room trying 2 shout down any kind of rule enforcement, whatsoever. But that having been said it duz remain true that if what we want iz Asstacularanfucking Saturday then what we are going 2 need iz a little bit of ass!

A little bit of ass
Will satsify that Greek that lives downstairs
A little bit of ass
Should never ever ever ever be shared

sung 2 the tune of "a little bit of soap" by the Jarmels

My immediate problem iz simple. I can't fucking download Asstacular shit. I can dl some bomb ass booty, 4 absolutely sure. No one iz denying this fact. But dl'ing the shit ain't the same thing az catching it, iz it? It iz a lot fucking safer, that's 4 certain, but it turns out that finding it the old fashioned way iz really a lot more fun anyway! But this iz a delicate operation and must be handled just right 2 keep me from getting my fucking ASS kicked by my old lady. Becuz, I won't fucking settle 4 BOOTYLICIOUS all by it's goddamn self, people. That just won't fucking do. No...the truth iz that I am going 2 be needing this 2 be az fucking ASSTACULAR az motherfucking shit!


So what duz that mean 4 U, the reader? Well...unless U would like 2 participate directly, it means absolutely nothing at all. But what it really means iz that 4 the next 48 hours I am going 2 post nothing but asses. Furthermore, those asses posted will all belong 2 people I actually know. How about that? Think it can be done? Let's find out, shall we?

Entertainment 4 the Masses...

There really are daze in which the depths of my depravity scares even me. There are some things which really should be left sacred, U know? Yeah...right - like that's really gonna happen. Especially with the likes of me in the fucking room!

I'm torn. I just don't know what 2 do. I am torn between doing the right thing, and chasing after this 22yo number I know who lives in Michigan. I know...I know...Michigan? But that's so fucking far away it should be safe enough, right? WRONG! Nothing could be further from the truth, actually. When we are talking about a booty like this white girl has nowhere iz fucking safe!

I would be willing 2 show U just WTF I am talking about here, but she hasn't yet sent me the pictures she promised me. She iz supposed 2 be doing something SUPER sexy 4 my blog. I know everyone iz az excited az I am 2 know WTF this bitch iz talking about, but I am afraid we will all have 2 wait. There really iz no other option. It izn't az if I can fly 2 Michigan and take the pics myself, iz it?

Wait...don't go giving me any ideas. Especially ones like that. No good can come out of ideas like that one right there!

I would like all of my friends 2 take a good look at the picture there on the right. I think that this iz an excellent example of what it iz I am trying 2 do here. That's right...get laid. Besides that, however, it just looks 2 me 2 be a lot of fucking fun waiting 2 fucking happen!

Let's Go Racing Boys!

I'm afraid I have 2 admit that the rumors are true. I am a NASCAR fan. I'm not one of those people who decorates the house in team colors, but I do enjoy watching the sport. A lot of people who don't watch racing often wonder what the big fucking deal iz. We're going 2 watch these fuckers drive around in a circle 4 500 fucking miles. Sounds like a fucking blast. Why don't U just kick me in the head instead?

I understand the confusion. I used 2 be those people, until (just like any legitimate sport, BTW) I took the time 2 understand that this iz a team sport. It's not just about the guy driving the fucking car. Sure, that's important 2, but the best driver in the world izn't going 2 do shit if the rest of the team izn't just az good.

But, it duz help if the guy behind the wheel izn't a fag. It helps me not 2 be az irritated when the fuckers win anyway. I wuz 4tunate enough 2 become exposed 2 the sport in a way that most people miss out on. U see, the racing season iz LONG az FUCK! That means that most Sundays they are running a race somewhere. But what most people don't know iz that they practice running that race all week long. They usually show all that shit on the Speed Channel. Practices and qualifying 4 the race and all that shit. By watching the qualifying runs I got 2 see how they make adjustments 2 the cars in preparation of the race. How they make them faster, turn better or whatever.

But I'm not really here 2day az some kind of an ambassador 4 the sport. That would just be kinda silly. Why would I give a fuck whether or not U get it? But 4 those of U who are interested in a quick primer, here's all U really need 2 know about the most popular sport (next 2 chasing hookers and dope sacks, of course) in America.

NASCAR exists becuz hillbillies like their liquor, really. They would get 2 brewing their moonshine and running from federal revenuers, and they needed faster and faster cars 2 accomplish that feat. Eventually, the time came 2 see just who had the faster car. I don't give a shit what it iz, if their are two of them men will find some way 2 race them. Why? I don't fucking know, it's genetic or something. Probably becuz mine iz fucking faster than Urs, dumbass. Those weekend races at dirt tracks back in the woods eventually grew N2 the monster that it iz 2day. But U don't really need 2 know all that. I'm just showing off a little.

The biggest thing U need 2 know iz that Dale Earnhart, Sr. (a black and silver #3 Delco Chevrolet...again, that would be me showing off) iz GOD. Un4tunately 4 his millions of followers, however, he wuz killed in a crash at Daytona International Speedway in 2000. Sucks 4 him, I know. The tragedy led 2 a new safety device that has saved a few lives since, though. It's called a Han's Device and basically it just keeps Ur head from flying off of Ur shoulders when U come 2 an abrupt stop whenever traveling at 200 MPH. God did have a couple of sons, however, and one of them appeared 4 a long time 2 be the heir apparent, but this past season he left the racing team his father had started and started driving 4 another team.

Anyway, Junior (az he iz know by) used 2 drive the #8 Budweiser Chevrolet. It wuz extremely recognizable and many people jumped on his bandwagon. Besides that he's kinda cute. If U dig that clean-cut American whiteboy look, I guess. Even az his popularity skyrocketed he continued 2 get crushed on a regular basis by the teams from rival (this would be me drawing a blank). Their cars include 5-time champion Jeff Gordon's #24 Pehpsi Chevrolet (fag), 2-time and current NASCAR champ Jimmie Johnson's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet

How the fuck am I supposed 2 explain this 2 Ur mother?