Ive lived in this fucking town for a long time, and in those years I have come 2 learn a thing or two about Sacramento. Early on in life I figured out that it sucks balls here. Big surprise there, huh? As soon as I got old enough and tried 2 leave I found out that nobody ever gets out. Once U live in Sacramento, that's it. Its like there's some gigantic cosmic vortex centered here and once it gets a taste of someone's psychic energy it keeps drawing them back whether they like it or not. Its not just me, dude. Ive heard other people who weren't stoned say the same thing. Its weird.
Another thing that has always been true about this urban paradise of ours is that there is hella fat chicks. WAY more than other places Ive been. It's like two 2 one...not even close. I'll bet U that more than half the bitches who live here are overweight. Just like they do anywhere else, the girls range all the way from packing on a few extra pounds 2 so fucking fat they can't find a bra that fits. But here there is just so many of them! It's like there are herds of fat broads roaming the landscape, stretching as far as the eye can see, just walking around and grazing...getting 2 know people...showing off that new outfit she got at Torrid in the mall (U know, the one that's really 2 small for her fat ass, but she doesn't give a fuck and is going 2 wear it anyways? Yeah, that one...)...getting either sexually frustrated or liberated, depending upon upbringing and environment. Some of them will eventually settle down, of course, and many of the ugly, white ones will spend their late 20s and 30s running around after half-black children (it turns out that black guys don't really give a shit if the bitch is ugly, just so long as she's white). U may not like it, but that don't mean it aint the truth.
But seriously, there are fat chicks everywhere! I'm not kidding. Even the hookers in Sacramento are fat (and thats really a hard sell in a place where so many bitches are just giving the pussy away)! At least our strip clubs have remained relatively fat-free. It could be because the strippers all do cocaine, and its kinda hard 2 pay for coke and food both. U do the math. If U still come down on the side of food, do some cocaine and do the math again. U'll see what I mean.
I never got the whole coke thing. Powder just makes me mad and because Im high on coke at the time it gets me really mad and crack just makes me stupid. The problem with crack is that when Ur smoking the shit all U wanna do is smoke crack. U dont want 2 watch a movie. U dont even want pussy. All U wanna do is hit the pipe and tweek on the carpet in between hits looking for rocks U never even dropped. Its fucking stupid. The last time I smoked it I did watch the movie Bewitched, though. It was the only way I could make it bearable. Now every time I see Will Farrell I want 2 hit the pipe. But Im not addicted, though...
While I'm on the subject anyway, just let me say this about that right there. I smoked crack in the 80s and I smoked crack a few years ago, and I gotta tell U...its just not the same drug. I dont know what happened between then and now, but the dope they pass off as crack these days ain't shit compared 2 what they had back in the day. Its not even in the same league. Its like the difference between T-Ball and Major League Baseball, man! Back then niggas would tke one hit and fall over fucking dead. It was ridiculous. Nowadays motherfuckers be putting the pipe down with dope still in it. Nobody ever put the pipe down in 1986! Not unless they happened 2 be that motherfucker that fell over dead. And even then U can bet that somebody came along 2 finish that bowl for him. Shit...they probably finished the bowl before they called 911. They might have just took the dope, smoked it someplace else and didn't even bother 2 call about his dumb ass. Fuck him...he's dead anyway. Aint no call 2 the police gonna change that, and I got warrants, nigga, shit...
What was I talking about? Oh yeah...fat chicks. Don't get me wrong now, I loves me some fat girls (alright...I love ALL girls, but the fat ones is special, baby!!). The fact is that I love big titties and I love lots of ass and most fat girls have a lot of both. Except when they don't. That can be a little weird. I've always felt a little bad for fat girls who have small tits or no ass. It's like, what kind of past life karma debt are U paying off 2 get dealt those cards, U know? I mean if U have 2 haul all that weight around all the time anyways, it seems 2 me that the least God could do is let U have a foot and a half of cleavage 2 help draw the eye away from it.
Speaking of a foot and a half of cleavage, I was in Fresno this one time doing a four-day job and after work they had us staying at this fucking seedy-ass motel right off Highway 99, right? So we're coming in one day and there's these hookers that were staying in the rooms above ours, and there was three or four of them up there, showing off their wares, trying 2 drum up a little business, right? They was all out there flashing and shit, but the only one I can really remember was this BIG fucking black bitch. She was one of those 6-foot tall, 200 pound African queens, man. U know the ones that are pretty much all titty and ass? Anyway, I'll never forget this bitch leaning over the third floor railing and pulling out what was probably the biggest titty I'd ever seen at the time (she had 2 have 44FFFs, at least.), licking her nipple and saying 2 me, "Don't it look like a Hershey's Kiss?" (it did) "U wanna come taste for Urself?" (I did). The thing about it is that I've never really been a hooker kind of guy (LOL...ok, I've never been a trick. I'll fuck a hooker all day long. I don't give a shit about her job. What I won't do is pay the bitch. That's where we run into problems, being as how they usually like that money a whole lot more than they like hanging out with the likes of me), but if I was ever going 2 pay 2 fuck a bitch it would have been that day. It was just her bad luck that I was broke, cuz I sure was in the mood for chocolate!
The truth of the matter is that most of the women I have slept with were big girls. All of the black ones were. Shit, the smallest of them bitches was my baby momma and I swear 2 God her skinny jeans was size 12s! They just got bigger from there. I think black girls look better when they're fat. Skinny black chicks have funny looking tits. Don't even look like titties most of the time. Bitch take off her shirt and it looks like she's got two old socks hanging where her titties should be. Got me fucked up. That's why they all started wearing those low-rise jeans. They kept getting their nipples caught in their zippers. It was becoming a problem. That's what I heard, anyway.
One time when I was selling dope I met this Mexican chick who had 2 be close 2 four hundred pounds. She was hella short, though, and just really fucking wide. I remember seeing her sitting on the love seat in my living room and thinking 2 myself that she was so big I didn't think I would be able 2 squeeze in beside her cuz she took up 2 much of the fucking couch. This girl was huge! She was also probably one of the prettiest chicks Ive ever fucking seen. Definitely on of the top ten. She was just stupid gorgous. I couldn't take my eyes off the bitch. That's probably why I was thinking about sitting next 2 her in the first place. Figuring if I was sitting there I might be able 2 get a little side boob action going on. That sounds a bit like me. It was kinda weird, though, cuz if u would have asked me I probably would have said that I didn't find bitches that big all that attractive. I still don't. It was just something about her, I guess. Its probably a good thing I never found out. Last thing I need is another Mexican skeleton in my closet. Im running out of storage space as it is.
So 2 recap, Sacramento is full of fat broads, but that's ok with me cuz I like fucking them anyways. Which is especially true whenever the fat girl is black, or some Mexican chick named Candy (how would U like 2 break a pinata and have her come tumbling out? Knowing my luck the bitch would probably fall on me and kill me. Fuck it, man...if U gotta go anyway, U might as well get there cuz Ur ass got crushed by a giant titty. Beats the shit out of getting run over by a bus. Know what I'm saying?). Coke blows (no pun intended) unless Ur watching Bewitched, or trying 2 get a stripper 2 blow instead. Even then it isn't as good as it was in the 80s (but honestly...what the fuck is?). I really like Hershey's Kisses, skinny black chicks just need 2 keep their fucking shirts on, my baby momma still had a fat ass on days when she thought she was skinny and I gots no more room in my closet for any more Mexican broads.
Any questions?
