What am I...fucking crazy?

So, Yeah...I've been inviting people 2 come check out my blog. Don't ask me why. Cuz I'm a fucking attention whore maybe. Then it occurs 2 me...what if someone actually logs on and reads this stupid thing? Holy shit...I know I have blogged at least once when I probably should have just gone 2 bed instead. Do I really want people I know 2 know some of this shit? Probably not, stupid. So If U are new 2 this blog, pay no attention 2 most of the extreme shit U will come across (there is no avoiding it...sorry). I really am not N2 being pissed on by pregnant midgets (Why...U know one?). I honestly don't care how big that woman's cock is and quite frankly...U can just take Ur naked ass back inside the house where it belongs!

I went 2 my grandmother's funeral yesterday. It wuz a nice enough service, I guess. Something really odd happened 2 me, though. About 2am the night B4 I suddenly realized that my Aunt Margret wuz most likely going 2 be there, and that there wuz a chance that my cousin Karen would be also. When we were kids Karen wuz one of my favorite cousins (actually, one of the only cousins I have I even liked. When I wuz eight years old the family went on a trip 2 the Grand Canyon (amazing shit...U gotta go see it if U never have.) and Karen and her parents made the trip as well. Now, bear in mind that I haven't seen Maggie in 5 or 6 years and I haven't seen Karen in damn near 30 fucking years, ok? So tell me then why did I almost have a fucking anxiety attack over this shit? It really did feel just like I wuz going 2 see a girl I had a crush on! Isn't that silly? But that's not even the worst part...we finally make it 2 the funeral and see them. Karen is absolutely beautiful! And I could really tell she wuz looking 4ward 2 seeing me as well. I met her husband of 15 years (right on!) Richard and her kids (her daughter looks exactly like Karen did the last time I saw her...isn't that kinda weird?) and said hi 2 everyone who managed 2 make it 2 the funeral (damn near everybody!) and whatever whatever afterwards we all go 2 Aunt Ann's house, right? I still am feeling all nervous around her and shit. So I literally force myself 2 go outside and talk 2 this woman who I don't even fucking know and I want her 2 like me so bad I am about 2 freak out and then...U guessed it. It went badly. Really badly. I don't think she quite hates me, but I honestly do not see us keeping in touch. What a shame. 2 bad I'm such a fucking spaz...

The one other person I really wanted 2 see didn't show up. That wuz my cousin Kristine. Her brother Robert made it, but he said he doesn't have anything 2 do with her. Her mom told me she is pretty much just living on the streets and no one knows how 2 get ahold of her. Bummer...

Then I find out my other cousin (actually my 2nd cousin) is a fucking cage fighter (as in IFC nigga!) really does get N2 this steel cage and go at it with some other crazy motherfucker 4 money! Right now his record is only 1-8, but when he showed me the tapes of his fights he showed them in order of how they happened. He didn't show the win first, the way I would expect most people 2 would. I don't know what that means. but there it is...

Thelma McKowan 1913-2006

2day we are burying my Grandmother. She wuz a remarkable woman who lived a remarkable life. She migrated 2 California during the depression from Arkansas and raised 9 children with almost nothing. It wuz her determinaton and resiliancy that helped all of us become the people we are 2day. During her 93 years on this planet she worked tirelessly at being a good person and always kept Jesus in her thoughts and in her heart. That's why I have absolutely no doubt she has gone on 2 her final reward in the Kingdom of Heaven. There she is sitting at the Savior's feet, reaquainting herself with those who passed B4 her and looking over those of us still here on earth. I will miss U terribly. Goodbye, Grandma...I love U.

Twice in one day...what? Is he on Viagra again?

Fuck...I'm out of cigarettes. I hate being out of cigarettes. Everytime it happens, though, I think 2 myself, "Self...this is the perfecttime 2 finally quit that nasty fucking habit!" Then I bum a smoke off of someone. What the fuck is that about? Anyway...since I'm goddamned out of cigarettes anyway, and I am about halfway wired off of some shit Stacy B gave me yesterday B4 my interview (and dontcha know that dumbass Amber called her 2 complain about this shit? What a bitch! She wuz probably just trying 2 get a free sack. Or, she may have just been trying 2 get inside the place so shecould steal whatever Stacy left around that the bitch could trade 4 dope someplace else. Fiends are a fucking trip, let me tell U...

I met some people at the new site I have been checking out recently. They seem 2 be pretty nice, although not very many of them at all are from the Northern California area. There seems 2 be a shitload from Great Britan and Australia, though. So far they seem 2 be pretty nice people, although not nearly as nice as the ones from my old Dalnet channel. Most of them were from N. Cali, as well. That made shit a lot simpler whenever we decided we wanted 2 go ahead and meet someone. I mean, it sucks if U decide U like someone but they live 4000 miles away, y'know? But regardless of thier locale, like I said...they seem 2 be ok 4 the most part. I am hoping 2 get 2 know some of them even better (like that's a suprise 2 anyone who knows me...huh?). Believe it or not...they're not all women either! There actually is some pretty decent guys on the site 2, I just didn't feel like Downloading any of thier pictures.

I must be having a flashback...

I talked 2 my friend Christina 2day 4 the first time in like a year and a half. She's been clean and sober that whole time and is doing really well. I am happy 4 her. She does much better off of the dope. She told me a funny fucking story about her ex George. He (according 2 Chris, mind U) married this other bitch just 2 get back at Christina. So, naturally, the marriage didn't work out and the two of them are getting a divorce. Well, the other day she is taking him 2 see his PO when out of the blue she asks him,"If U piss dirty do they take U N2 custody right then?" He told her he didn't know, but he guessed so and went off N2 the building 2 keep his appointment. When he come out some 20 minutes later, the bitch wuz gone with the car. Come 2 find out...George pissed dirty that day. Not becuz he is back on dope...but becuz the bitch had been slipping him morphine on the under!!! Isn't that some fucked-up deviant shit? Definite nominee 4 Dumb Bitch of the Year award (ceremonies 2 be held later this year) 4 Mr. Kelly. I laughed my ass off when she told me that shit! It wuz nice talking 2 her again.

I've been telling anyone who will listen about this blog, so now I feel like I have an obligation 2 deliver. Yeah...like thats gonna happen...

I think I may have gotten a job 2day. I will find out Friday. It feels pretty good...but I can't say 4 sure. If I do get the job it looks like I will be working with Pooh a lot. That's both good and bad...I think. Good, becuz I like Pooh a lot and she should be fun 2 work with. Bad, becuz I find her incredibly attractive and really want 2 sleep with her. have no doubt whatsoever in my mind that she would NOT do anything with me anyway. Not without the express written consent of Kimicula and Major League Baseball.

So...I just want 2 clear someting up. Should I begin recieving pictures sent 2 my email...I would appreciate it if they were at least partially nude. If U don't have any naked pictures just let me know and I'll take them 4 U! No...really. What are friends 4, anyways, if they can't come 2 eachother's aid...

Almost completly off the hook...

This is the second time I had 2 write this fucking post. I hate that shit, 4 the record! One of U dickheads is keeping a record, right? What's that? My job? Since when?...uh hmmm...allrigty then! Moving right along...

Check out my motherfucking natural! Can U believe that shit! I wuz thinking that 4 Halloween I could go as one of the Pips! Or how about Jackie Jackson? I've got it! Angela Davis when she wuz running 4 President. That way I still get 2 dress up like a woman, and we all know how much I love doing that! (Hey! I thought I told U I don't do that shit no more!) Anything 2 get N2 heels and a short skirt, huh? I'm such a fucking slut!

Recently I wuz turned on2 this online poker site called Poker Stars by my bastard brother-in-law, Todd. I shoulda known the guy wasn't right as soon as he went out with my sister. I mean, how creepy is that? Anyway,I've been playing this shit 4 like a month and getting my ass whipped pretty regularly. Until 2nite, that is! 2nite I wuz on FIRE! I wuz talking all kinds of big shit and kicking ass! I told this one fucking idiot that I wuz tired of him holding my money. He got pissed off and went all-in with about a grand while I was holding a pair of Kings! I think five of us called his bet, right? I get a King on the flop and another fucking King after that! That's right, Baby...4 of a kind Kings! It put like 4 people out of the tourney (which I went on 2 win!) also. Talk about fun. Good times...

Well...I have taken 2 inviting people 2 come check out this stupid fucking blog. I have asked three or 4 people from these swinger sites I frequent 2 come check this shit out and tell me what they think about it. If U happen 2 be one of those people then I am sorry 4 offending U. If 4 some reason I didn't offend U then it's probably best I don't know about it since I am getting a hard on just considering it! Besides...I'll just spend all my time trying 2 outdo myself. However...if U are new here...welcome! Please feel free 2 post any comment U want about anything...there is no censorship here. Unless I decide Ur full of shit. Just kidding...no, really. Whatever.

I think I need a change of pace. I need 2 do something different. I think I need 2 go on a road trip, so what I am going 2 do is see about going back 2 Wisconsin with Todd when he goes back there 2 get thier shit. The two of us could go back there by plane, rent a truck and take turns driving the motherfucker back 2 California. Sounds like it might make 4 a fun trip!

Strictly 4 the sake of keeping up appearances...

One time I wuz in Nairobi licking this broad's pussy when I rear-ended a 1968 VW Mini Bus. Well, as it turned out that particular Mini Bus wuz carrying performers from Pablo Garcia's Circus of the Former Stars (featuring Willie Ames, Fred (rerun) Berry and Doris Roberts) and apparently business wuz OK cuz all these fucking clowns came rolling out of the van like coconuts, drunk as all hell and cussing me out in Mexican. The tallest one ( he stood maybe 5'2" ) took a long pull off of the bottle of Metzcal he was carrying, handed it 2 one of his clown buddies and came a running at me full speed! So I stepped 2 the side and watched with semi-amusement as he tumbled down the 75 foot embankment I wuz standing in front of at the time. Not 2 be outdone by his companion, the other guy finished off the bottle and started 2wards me. He made it about a quarter of the way, let out a whoop and sat down indian-style there in the road. I wuz gonna ask him wuz he all right, but I don't speak Mexican and even if I did right about then he grabs his belly, groans really load and flops over N2 the fetal position. That's when the pick-up truck carrying the circus animals (4 dogs, two pigs and a chicken) and thier trainer (also the driver and Pablo's cousin by marriage) comes speeding around the corner and runs the second clown over! I mean, he didn't even stop after dragging that poor son-of-a-bitch 30 or so feet down the road! Then this fat broad comes running out of the van, screaming at me and holding this long goddamn stick. She stands about 14 feet away and starts trying 2 poke me with this fucking stick she has, but I'm not having any of that And I keep slapping it away, right? Well, righht about then she stuck me good right under my rib cage, and I grabbed at the stick, and the both of us went tumbling down the embankment 2gether. There I wuz lying on top of this fat Mexican bitch, sliding down some stupid embankment 2wards my untimely demise when I remembered my boy who moved 2 Idaho wuz back 4 a visit and he turned me on 2 a shitload of mushrooms yesterday. I've never even been 2 Africa. That meant I might just be trippin out, and not in any real danger. Then I noticed the fat girl and I had stopped sliding. Then I noticed the fat girl wasn't a fat girl anymore. The fat girl wuz now a Samoan guy with big tits and a peg leg. That's when a rabbit climbed out from under the Samoan guy's hat (which he hadn't been wearing at all not two seconds ago) and asked me which way the bus stop wuz. I pointed 2 the right, and the rabbit thanked me, hopping off 2 the left. I never saw the rabbit again, and I don't take mushrooms anymore.



OK...honestly, I'm not rying 2 make fun of anyone here (yeah right, believe that why don't ya!!), but this is just so fucking wierd I had 2 write about it. Do U see this picture on top here? Do U want 2 know what it is a picture of? It is a picture of a 3rd nipple this girl I know has! Isn't that fucking trippy?

Lastly (but certainly not leastly), those with an interest in such things may want 2 check out RicksotherfknBlog. I just posted some new shit on there and some of it is kinda tasty. Speaking of tasty, I really gotta get back 2 licking some broad's pussy. Any volunteers?